


Musings

by Trekkiehood



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Crusaders Sickness, Crusades, Depression, Episode Related, Episode: s02e13 We Are Robin Hood!, F/M, Gen, Holy Land, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, War, musings, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 08:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18495433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trekkiehood/pseuds/Trekkiehood
Summary: A collection of mainly episode-based musings by Robin. As a very private man, he rarely talks about what he is thinking and feeling. This is my attempt at getting inside of his head. I do not own Robin Hood or any recognizable people or places.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This book will contain a collection of thoughts and musing of Robin. Most will probably take place during episodes. Please let me know what you think, and let me know if there are any particular musing you would like to see!

**02x13 "We Are Robin Hood"**

**The Holy Land**

"I feel funny, " Much had said. Robin didn't feel funny, he felt ill. He felt as though his heart was going to burst. The pounding in his chest was getting worse with every moment.

Being in the Holy Land again, he had never wanted to come back. The memories plaguing his mind were torturous. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He was safe. He was in the home of a friend. Djaq would not have brought them here if he was an enemy. He would not be harmed.

And tomorrow they would go to the camp. He was scared. More scared than he cared to admit.

He had fought his own memories in England, but now, in the Holy Land... Keeping the memories from completely overtaking him was near impossible.

Sometimes he wondered. He wondered if he had Crusader's Sickness. Surely he wasn't that bad. He had seen men with the Sickness. Had seen them go crazy. Good men. Men like Harold. But, if he had the Sickness, he would have gone crazy by now, right?

It didn't matter.

He wanted out. He wanted to go back to England. He wanted Marian safe with him.

He never should have let her go back to the palace.

He should have killed Gisborne a long time ago. He shouldn't have missed when he shot at him all those years ago in the king's tent. If he had just finished him off there, many of his problems would now be non-existent.

But he had missed. And gotten stabbed. And sent home.

Sometimes he wished HE had been finished off all those years ago.

He didn't want to die. Not really. But, he was tired.

So, so tired.

There were some days where he wanted nothing more but to lay down his bow and let whatever may come, come.

And he may have done it, if not for his men. If not for Marian.

But, that was in England.

Now here he was.

Back in the Holy Land. Barely able to draw air in his lungs due to the memories.

The death.

The pain.

The longing for home.

A longing that, for him, was never truly realized.

So much had changed since he left for the Holy Land the first time.

He often wondered what would have happened if he had just stayed in Locksley. He could have stopped the Sheriff from ever rising to power. He and Marian could already be married. Perhaps his village would not starve as they did now.

But there was no reason to dwell on this.

He had gone to war, returned home, and now he was back.

He pushed down the suffocating feelings and tried to sleep.

They had a king to save.

Yes, the King of England, but more importantly, his love.


	2. Betrayal

**02x13 "We Are Robin Hood!"**

**Betrayal**

They were all going to die. It was his fault. His stupidity. He should have known the Sheriff would set such a trap. 

The others offered encouraging words to one another. He remained silent in his agony.

He'd been betrayed. By his King, his  _friend_. 

It would have been better if he had died back in Acre. The thought hit him suddenly, but he could not argue it. It would have been better if Gisborne had killed him when he was here last.

And now, after all he'd done for England, for the King, they had been left in the desert to die.

Not that it was the King's fault. He had been misled. It wasn't his fault. It was the Sheriff's. It was Gisborne's. It was always Gisborne's. 

Even as the others said mocking things towards King Richard, Robin could not blame him. He had realized what was happening but could do nothing to stop it. Much had tried bargaining, and it got them out here. At least it wasn't an execution. Those were never pleasant. 

He closed his eyes against the blinding sun, feeling overwhelmed by the heat. 

Why did it seem betrayal always followed him? Maybe he was just too trusting. 

First Roy had attempted to kill him. Then Allan had begun informing Gisborne. Even Marian had become engaged to his greatest enemy. And now the king.

That had brought him here. Dying in the sun along with his men. Dying because his King, the one man Robin had felt sure would help them, had turned against them.

But it wasn't his fault. 

He had to keep reminding himself. 

It wasn't Roy's fault. They were going to kill his mother. 

It wasn't Marian's fault. They were going to hang her. 

It wasn't Allan's fault. They were torturing him. 

It wasn't King Richard's fault. He had been tricked. 

It was always the Sheriff's and Gisborne's fault.

But, it didn't matter now.

In a way, he had betrayed his own men. 

They were all going to die.

And that was his own fault.


End file.
